


The Ones We Leave Behind

by That_random_weirdo



Series: The Great Mattina Marathon [1]
Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Nina-centric, death anniversary, idk what else to put
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 07:46:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18177845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_random_weirdo/pseuds/That_random_weirdo
Summary: Nina visits Matthias´ grave 50 years after his death.





	The Ones We Leave Behind

Nina stood in front of the red-ribboned ash and the clear stream that marked the final resting place of Matthias Helvar. He was the first one she had lost. He wasn’t the last.  
Inej was the second, dying far out to sea, alone and without any of the others. She had lived the remainder of her short life after the heist in pursuit of redemption, and hunting men like the ones who had taken her from her home years before.  
Wylan was next, set ablaze in a chemical fire during an assassination. The Shu were not happy at what Van Eck appeared to have done, and sought retribution by way of the elimination of the mercher’s son and successor. With the gang split, there had been no one watching over him when the Shu came. Nina still regretted not being there to help.  
Kaz followed, but not before raising hell in the Barrel, Ketterdam, and anywhere else he desired. He lit it up, watched it crumble, and disappeared with his empire, just like he said he would, back when they had been young and bold, back when they all were still alive.  
Jesper was last, murdered by Druskelle on his return voyage from Ravka. He had finally stepped out from the shadows and embraced his powers, and had paid heavily for it in the end.  
Now only she was left, still young and far from death, ever haunted by those who had gone before. She had always known that she was likely to live for longer than any ordinary human. She had just never thought about it back when she had no reason to, when death was always around the corner, and killing was second nature.  
But now, now she finally had to face the cold reality of it all. The others were long gone, and she was the only one left. She would spend the remainder of her life without the warmth of Matthias’ smile, without the comforting familiarity of Inej’s embrace. She would only hear the faintest echoes of Jesper’s laugh and Wylan’s outraged sputtering, of the slight warmth in Kaz’s voice during the rare moments he let down his guard. Hell, she even missed the Scheming Face, and all the times it had been exchanged between the six.  
Nina saw her reflection in the frozen pool beside the tree and flinched. At almost 70 years old, she looked to be no more than 30 at most.  
She knew that it could have been worse. That she could have remained as she was for more than a century.  
She had never felt more cursed.  
Knowing it could be worse didn’t make it better. She was still young and beautiful and she hated every second of it. Being pretty would be of no use here, no matter how many times she had managed to use her looks to her advantage. Being young only meant that it would be longer until she saw the others. Truly, if she had a choice, Nina would give it all up in a heartbeat, all for the chance to rejoin her friends, all for the chance to feel like she belonged.  
She was no longer of Ravka. She was from Ketterdam, for better or for worse, and that could not be changed. She no longer had to hide her powers, that much was true, but she was not at home among her fellow Grisha, constantly uneasy and waiting for the moment when the illusion of normalcy would finally shatter.  
Hence her reason for coming to the tree tonight.  
Nina knelt on the frozen ground, scraping away at the dirt to create a small hollow. In it, she placed a small carving of a wolf, intricate yet sturdy enough to survive the elements, glazed the same blue as the North Sea. Her lips moved soundlessly in a silent oath, a promise, one she had made long ago, in another time, as another person.  
I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath.  
Nina had once told Matthias that there was always more to lose. She had been wrong. She had reached the end. There was nothing more she could lose. Nothing she cared about at the very least.  
Nina hesitated as she stood, ready to depart. “Farwell,” she said in Fjerdan. “May Djel watch over you until I can once more.”  
She knew these words to him would be her last. She was truly, desolately alone. And alone she would stay.  
Then she turned, and walked off alone into the infinite universe awaiting, and treaded the abyss that lurked below with her every solitary step.  
Just like she always had.  
Just like she always would.

**Author's Note:**

> I´m not sure if you can tell, but I have no idea what I´m doing.


End file.
